| today is good |
[01 Mar 2007|11:07am] |
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I got a new camera last week my daddy baught it for me.. its really nice and takes mint pictures :) Today me and chantelle are going to go to the creek and take nice pictures. whooooo
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| life |
[02 Feb 2007|12:10pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
] |
Things are really differnt now,
so differnt than they were before... my life is changing drasticlly
infront of my eyes and its getting hard to cope with.. accept i guess.
I dont want to accept the things that i wish never happend...
I miss you more than i have ever missed anything
I miss how i have no one to talk to that actually understands me
I miss the honest advice you would always give me
I miss our " nights "
I miss your family
I miss you smile that brights up a room
I miss your abnoxiousness lol.
I miss how we used to be
I hate how you cant control the things that happen
I hate how i fucked up
I hate how i lost you
But i love how i know youll always be there for me
No matter what and you know ill be there for you
When it comes down to it.. your my sister my best friend, and were going to get
through life... which somtimes can be the shittiest thing ever.
and were going to be old and sit there and laugh and these days.
i love you, i love how your happy thats all ive ever wanted for you.
You deserve to be baby dont let anyone try to bring you down
you have beeen a big part of my life for the last 3 years but alot of it has been bad
alot of it has beeen amazing
your my first love and mabee the only person that ill ever be capable of loving
Things are differnt now... your differnt now for the better and i love that
Things still need to change though, i cant deal with the life thats put out for us
I hate always feeling guilty.. i hate worrying about what your going to say.
but i love you overall your amazing inside and out
The things you say to me, things you do for me im so grateful
We have had sum REALLY hard times on and off for the last forever
i hope we can get through shit and be happy in the end i want nothing more than that
i just hate how im always questioning my choices
i do love you i always will no one will change that
We have been amazing latley,
were closer than we have ever been and i love that
I hate how both of us always seem to be stuggling all the time with life
Shit is hard, i hate how people dont see things the way we do
I love our friendship and how amazing our little road trips and shit have been
i love getting high with you more than anyone lol
i love how when your crying you come and find me and im crying
we are one..
since kindergarden,
your more than a sister... family to me than anything.
You need to relize how much of an amazing person you are
and how beautiful you are inside and out.
I love you and lots of people love you and im always going to be here...
for a lifetime.
Thats just about a couple people that are always on my mind who i care about more than anything in this whole existance... my life would be nothing without these people i can honestly say i have NO idia where i would be today without them... probably 6 feet underground..
thank you i love you all. <3
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| ugh, |
[19 Dec 2006|12:37am] |
" So sick so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick "
thats describes exactly how ive been feeling latley.
Nothing ever gets better for me.. things are so stressfull.
Latley ive been breaking down alot and crying. I just sit there and look
at everything.. and im just so fucking sick of it.
For once i want things to go the way i want them too.
For once i want people to notice the things i do.
I hate being used and how i let people take advantage of me
I used to be this fucking strong person before
but now im a fucking pussy... i just give up on everything
I give up on trying to be happy
I miss when things used to be simple when i didnt have to worry
when getting a homework note was the biggest of my worrys
i dont want to grow up i want thigs to stop changing
i want people to stop changing.
i want to stop losing friends
ugh im just so blah with my life :(
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| . |
[24 Nov 2006|01:56pm] |
Im living in my new house now in keswick. So far things are going pretty well. Ive been smoking alot of weed latley. I love weed oh god so much. Poppers for life <3 I really miss alot of people. I hate missing people it sucks like ass. 19 days till GWAR!!!!!! im so fucking stoked. Me and Chantelle are going to buffalo and were staying in a hotel and shit. This will also be my first time going out of ontario hahaha. Im so lame ha. My hair is now black... black is my favorite color i think it suits me the best so yeeeeeaaaa. Anyways. life is decent right now, not exactly how i would like it. Things will edventually get better though. I just have to keep hoping.
cheers.
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| uh. |
[06 Oct 2006|12:49pm] |
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Well i have gone through so many changes in the last little while. Ive been really realizing what i should have realized a long time ago. I miss being happy.. and for the last little while i have been getting happier and its fucking so amazing. My mind has been constantly cluttered with thoughts about everything... i start to get stressed but then i get told to just calm down and dont worry about the future just for today if im happy then let it in and stop thinking of what could happen in the future. yeah so thats what ive been trying to do, and its actually been working:).
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| ... |
[17 Sep 2006|09:06pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
i need to make some decisions
but thats one thing that im fucking horrible at doing
i always seem to make the completly wrong decision with everything i do
thats why today my life = shit.
im quitting drugs. completly.
im going to join na.
i have a drug problem.
i may not be a fucking junkie but i dont want to depend on weed or w,e anymore.
i hate that the only time im happy is when im under the influence of something.
i want to be happy by myself one day .
i want to be proud of myself for once.
im sick of letting people down.
im scared though to try and quit because i dont want to let myself down and everyone else. like always.
whatever im going to do it . rachael is going to be completly drug free.
another thing that has really been bothering me latley is that i pretty much dont have any friends anymore. I have a boyfriend that loves me with all his heart. and i fucking love him to death really i didnt know that it was a crime to grow up, and fall inlove. The result of me being in a long term serous relationship is losing all my friends. i dont have a best friend. i dont have someone i can tell everything.. or someone that i can call whenever.. i just feel like im really alone latley. it fucking sucks.
school has been going really good. im doing amazing. but im still really behing with credits wich really sucks ass. but im willing to stay and finish. I want to be able to have a career one day not a job for the rest of my life.
Ive been thinking alot latley about going away for awhile. I really want to start new. Everyone that is close to me now gets hurt because im a fuck up and thats all i do is fuck peoples lives up. My grandma lives in bc and will pay for a plane ticket whenever i want. its been on my mind alot.. and im really serously considering it. i just will truthfully miss everyone so fucking much even though i doubt i would be missed.
gwar is soon im really stoked for that.
anwways.
im done now
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| hmm |
[15 Sep 2006|11:16am] |
Im sopposed to be working with this guy soon and were going to write together and start recording and were going to make a cd. im super stoked. i love singing nothing makes me happier than when im singing. I really just want to sing haha i hope things follow through. he knows this guy in l.a that he has told him about me. and if things go well and stuff im going to be in the studio soon :)
GWAR SO SOON !!!!!! :D
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| cant sleep |
[03 Sep 2006|04:38pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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gwar- the road behind |
] |
ugh i have school tomorow. lame
i cant sleep though, i have to learn not to think .
it keeps me awake.
anyways
YA ME AND CHANTELLE HAVE BACKSTAGE PASSES FOR GWAR AND WE DONT HAVE TO PAY FOR OUR TICKETS OR ANYTHING !!!!
HOLY SHIT
i love my life and gwar <333333333
48 days !! oh baby oh baby!!!
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[09 Aug 2006|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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ready for love - cascada |
] |
Im just sitting here thinking of everything that has happend to me in the last couple years of my life... and im starting to cry.
I have made too many mistakes in my life and now im just sitting here without the power to turn back time so here iam with a fucked up life.
I dont understand what i have done so wrong to deserve this.
Not to long ago a friend told me some of my flaws
she said it in anger but deep down i know she ment everything she said
because truthfully i was all of the bad things she said
I am a horrible person, Iam a horrible best friend, girlfriend, daughter, just a horrible person in general.
I dont expect anyone to reply to this, i dont want sympathy, because i know its lies.
All i have ever wanted to do was make the people around me happy, i guess i was too blind
because in alot of peoples eyes im selfish and only care about myself.
Really i would give up my life to see everyone i love be happy for the rest of there lives.
My whole life i have told myself that i can do it.. i can get through shit.
but now i dont think i can. I dont know what there is to try for anymore.
I dont want to try..because trying only brought disapointment.
Disapointment is a thing you have to expect with me because i cant hardly do anything
I might come off as a strong willed person but really im dead inside with no more will to even leave my bedroom.
I have spent alot of the summer at my house kind of pushing myself away from everyone
I dont want anyone to get close to me.
I dont want anyone to hurt because of me anymore
The one person that i thought would be my number one for fucking ever realized what kind of
person iam . Iam not a good best friend. I wasnt there for her.
I kept telling myself lying to myself that she should have understood of my situation with
my boyfriend and it wasnt my fault and that i had always been there for her.
Like i said i was lying to myself.
I fucked up, and i lost her to someone else.. i probably sound korny and shit.
but today even though how badly it hurts
even though how badly i want to cry somtimes seeing them
I just tell myself its my fault and that i shouldnt have ever expected anyone to wait for me
or to understand and just brush off all the times i left her for a gu
I never relized the person i was becoming.
i was a girl that acted as if her boyfriend ment more than her best friend
and thats somthing i never wanted to do.
and by the time i relized it was too late. At first i had pity for myself
and i thought i wasnt in the wrong..
but today i know iam..
You dont want to be my friend .. so dont try.. i will just hurt you so heres a heads up
Even though somtimes i may come off as a person who hates everything
its because i really hate myself and i know that i couldnt come close to being as good as the people that i critizize... thats why i know
Somtimes i gotta let things go, i dont want to bring anyone down with me.
Then there is this boy that im truly inlove with.. but i dont deserve him.
I sit there and tell myself that he deasnt deserve me and i could do better truth is
he has put up with all of my bullshit.. my moodswings.. my violentness.. and still he sits there today and rubs my cheek and tells me that im his only one and i will be till the day we die. I tell him the same.
but behind his back i talk shit and say how much of a bad person he is
probably to try and hide how bad of a person iam.
The reason i cant let go of him is because i love him. and i think i always will.
once again im being selfish because the right thing would be to let him go
so he can find someone better but i cant .. i cant picture myself without him.
and he wasnt even the reason i lost my best friend.. i told myself that it was becase of him
but i just never had the ballz to stick up for myself
therfore showing how much of a pussy and bad friend iam.
They both deserve better.
better than me
and when it comes to my dad i can hardly even type because he has raised me and my sister by himself and he would do anything for us.
he would starve just to make sure we had ate.
he has always been there he is my gaurdian angel..
he is the most caring person i know and throughout my life all i have done is given attitude and not been as grateful as i should have been.
If i could be liek anyone in the whole world it would be like my dad
I dont undertsand why god would give me the most amaaazing people
all i do is bring pain and tears.
Okay so i pretty much just spilled my heart out about the things that have really been bothering me latley i dont expect anything .. or w,e
i just needed to cry .
i needed to write this out.
I just need to relize what im doing to the people around me.
i just want to be differnt.
i dont want to be
rachael jordon bruno.
not today .
not tomorow.
not ever.
for everyone in my life..
i love you all so fucking much
you all have made such impacts in my life
that without you i wouldnt knwo what i know today
i wouldnt have realized.
but i do now.
thank you.
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| ugh |
[08 Jun 2006|11:40am] |
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mood |
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blah |
] |
Today was a piss off.!
I didnt get to do anything i wanted to.
life is kinda shitty right now.
I suck at life.
big time.
ew im so stressed
:(
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| fuck |
[10 May 2006|03:20am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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gwar - sammy |
] |
i miss the way things used to be.
i miss you
i love you
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| yay for greening out. |
[09 May 2006|12:17pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
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music |
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nuthing |
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Last night i slept at my sisters house with chantelle. We smoked sum bongs of this crazy ass weed.. and i died.. i was soo fucking ripped.. i had the most intense body buzz i tried to talk and i was leik uhhhh ... and i couldnt talk bevcause my mouth was liek sticking together i had the worst pasties lmao.. it was funny as fuck. chantelle freaked out too.. because i was freaking out.. and she left :(.. but shes back now :).. im babysitting my cute little neice .. i luv her.. anways i love weed. <3.. and chantelle. <3 and my neice <3
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| omg |
[25 Apr 2006|05:12am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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silence ... |
] |
fuck me and chantelle have NOTHING to do we are so incredibly bored.. and it fucking sucks we dont have anything to do.. ew. and i have to go to school tomrow.. and i havent slept and im not going fuck this is shit.. but i love chantelle and OMG im going to sounds of the underground... FUCKING GWAR eeeeeeee yay .. and alot of other sweet ass bands.. im fucking soo exited...
i love chantelle..
<3
Friends since fucking kindergarden..
yay to true friends..
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| ... |
[23 Apr 2006|06:46pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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nuthing |
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I just wanted to say that it really sucks how no one ever comments my livejournal anymore. I feel unloved :( .. anyways quiz thing..
This is called confessions. Repost answering guy/girl confessions. How many girl/guy myths are true bout u? U know that this made u smile! You dont gotta erase the opposties sex's answers, just fill over the answers of your sex.
GiRLS ARE UP T0P -- GUYS ARE BEL0W!! BE H0NEST!
*Girl Confessions*
Name: Rachael
I sleep naked: Of course its the best way to sleep
I wear pink: yah i love pink
I've dyed my hair: to many times
I've danced around in my underwear: obvously who deasnt
I like(d) the Spice Girls: i was obsessed
I wear makeup: yup
I've snuck out to meet boys: uh huh
I keep a diary: i used to always write in one not really anymore
I love chocolate: it depends what kind.. but ya
Chick flicks make me cry: im a wuss when it comes to chick flicks
I've drank because of a guy: i dont think so :s
I still need my girl time: defintly
Baseball players are hot: uhm..
It takes me at least an hour to get ready: kinda depends where im going i dont really care usually
I still have sleep overs w/ my girls: yup:)
I love doing my hair: yesss
My boyfriend's better than yours: hes hotter but mabee but mabee not better but i love him.
I've given a guy a fake number: lol yea
I've been honked at going down the road: oh god.. ya
I've been hit on in public: yup
I've been called a slut: prolly
I love singing: soo so soo much
I love dancing: yup:)
I kill hoes: fucking right
My boobs are too big: Nope
My boobs are too small: there medium.. i would like them bigger but im content
Football players are hot: sum
I have my belly button pierced: no
I have my tongue pierced: yaaa
I have a tattoo: yaaa
I have gotten suspended: uh huh
I have gotten arrested: yup
I have had one big crush: yess
I have dated a guy for his car: nooo
I hate all of my ex's: no
I have really close guy friends: no. i did but not anymore
I secretly jam out to Britney Spears: nope
I can not have enough shoes: i could care less
**************************************************
*Guy Confessions *
Name:
I have watched porn:
I've slept naked:
I play video games:
I wear boxers to bed:
Ive thrown rocks @ a girls window:
Ive drank because of a girl:
I still beat up my buddies:
I drive a truck:
I drive some type of car:
I have a job:
I have more than one job:
I currently have a girlfriend:
My girlfriend is better than yours:
Im cocky:
Ive forgotten to return a phone call to a girl:
Not all guys are the same:
Id do anything for a special girl:
Ive hit on a girl in public:
Ive asked a hot girl for her number that I just met:
Ive acted like a man whore:
Pamela Anderson is hot:
Sports over-rule everything else:
I like rock music:
I like rap music:
I like country music:
Ive been suspended:
Ive gotten detention
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| fuck |
[20 Apr 2006|11:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crappy |
] |
i dont know what to do anymore
i dont want to try anymore..
it always seem that no matter how hard i try
it deasnt get me anywhere.
my life fucking sucks
everything that was good in my life has now
turned to shit.
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| and if you dont know now you know |
[07 Mar 2006|02:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
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music |
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lovers and friends |
] |
ugh im at school sittin in the " quiet " room.. and im really bored and it sucks school sucks.. no this school sucks.. big time.. fucking sutton high.. i cant wait until next year when im at khs with all my fucking friends its going to be soo amazing. Latley i have been doing nothing at all just sittin around doing nothing at all.. pretty boring but its okay im not liek ai used to be. Always having to get drunk and shit, it deasnt matter anymore if iam or not.. even though i have been smoking madd weed latley :s... wich is really weird for me because i dont smoke weed well i use to not.. but i have smoked it liek 20 times in the last couple weeks.. yesterday me n kat smoked 3 joints i was soo fucking ripped.. it was great though because we were doign this dance workout thing and i felt soo stupid because i was too stoned to pick up the dance moves.. i ate soo much too.. but kat's mom made ribs fucking good ribs at that too... they were soo good i was a fattie yesterday. :)... colter sent me a cute txt message today it made me smile.. weve almost been going out for 10 months.. it deasnt feel liek we have even been dating for liek a month.. i have so much love for him...
MARCH BREAK IS COMING UP BABY!!!
that means
RACHAEL AND JOVI <3
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| lalalala |
[15 Feb 2006|03:00pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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| [ |
music |
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im in the library shhh |
] |
Im at school right now.. im sopposed to be working on my english report but im too lazy and totally not focused. So many thoughts have been overwelming my head latley. I have had soo much on my mind, Im thinking that things are going to get alot better for me if they work out the way i want them and i hope i do. I miss Jovi. HER BDAY IS SOON BITCHES I CANT WAIT.. but i think were going to start hanging out ALOT more. I love her with all my heart shes my frikken life. The classes im in this semester are math science english and dance.. i love dance class so much. It makes me have so much more energy and stuff now.. we do 300 sit ups.. and we are doin ballet too i never thought i would like ballet so much but i think its really fun i wish i was more felxible but it takes time. I feel so graceful when i do it. lol Right now were doing a dance to the song its alllike " saturday night somthing somthing pretty baby " haha i dont really know it.. and then this other song from the movie holes i liek that one its sweet ass.. the end of the year ill be doing infront of everyone at sutton high. lol embarrasing (N). anyways school is over in like 15 min or so.. then im going to have a smoke with kathleen <3 i loves her
PAYCE
haha
byebye <3
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| hmm |
[02 Feb 2006|08:57am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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ghetto- akon.. |
] |
Iam now registered at sutton high .. ill be starting monday ..
Last night was awsome/terrible..
Me and jovi went ona nature walk haha and took pitures and made videos it was funn shit i loves her soo much ... she owns me .. We had alot of good talks.. we truly could never run out of things to say to each other... so many good laughs too.. " cranky theres an animal " ( video tapes dogs barking ) hahah.. oh god..
then my awsome night went BANG into a disaster.. Me n the boy were fightiing..and we broke up.. alot of harsh words spoken.. iuno i was hysterical last night.. i dont think we are going to stay broken up .. but you never know.. we have almost been dating for 9 months.. i love him so much .. and iuno .. but im soo happy to have my mommy and jovi to be there for me.. they made me feel alot better.. <33
i hope tonight goes well..
good luck to me.. ( im writing my english exam )
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| my gawd |
[26 Jan 2006|12:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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all my life - kc-jojo |
] |
liek serously.. its kinda mean when u get somebody to get on the ground outside on the dirt and then apologize and kiss your shoe.. that what the kids at my school like to do.. lol i felt soo bad.. even though it was mean .. i put myself in the kids shoes.. and i felt ultra bad.. i wouldnt put up wigth that shit people would get knocked the fuck out.. and i dont understand why anyone would deal with it.. but meh. I have an appointment at oll at 230 to register .. im going to oll for a semester than keswick high next year. ugh im sick .. anyways..
i loves jovi and colter.. like WHOA.. haaaaaa
rach
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| baaaam |
[14 Jan 2006|09:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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crazy-kc and jo jo |
] |
yah so in 6 days is
Mine and colters 8 months GAH
madd love for that boy .
eeeeee
.. uh huh :)
.rach.
p.s Me n jovi are still going strong..
yah its been a year and 3 and half months :):)
love
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